6 Ways To Deal With Toxic People
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INTRODUCTION
I always like to see the good in people but sometimes we do have to be aware of certain toxic characteristics they are presenting and how this can make us feel.
Some key traits of toxic people to look out for include:
- Self-centredness
- Manipulative behaviour
- Dishonesty
- Struggling to feel compassion for others
- A tendency to create conflict
It’s likely you are able to think of at least one family member, friend or work colleague who fits this description and you may find it difficult to deal with them without getting irritated or engulfed in their issues.
As someone who always struggled with confrontation, I used to find it easier to ‘go with the flow’ around people who didn’t make me feel very good. I thought I was being the bigger person and saving my energy by simply entertaining them rather than ‘creating a scene, but I soon learnt this behaviour was not sustainable, especially when my mental health was at risk.
When I started to experience anxiety and panic attacks, it made me realise how much I needed to protect myself from negativity. I had several people in my life who were more consumed by their own problems and would then vent their frustrations onto me without any consideration for my feelings.
I tried my best to be there for them, to offer unconditional support and guidance but soon began to see the toll this was taking on my own health. I noticed my anxiety would flare up when I was around them, I felt incredibly drained afterwards and I began to take on their problems as if they were my responsibility.
I decided to prioritise my wellbeing and made the decision to distance myself from these people who were triggering my anxiety. Nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health for and I want to help you understand what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.
Here are my 6 recommended tips for dealing with toxic people.
1. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THEIR COMPANY IF POSSIBLE
The most effective and quickest action to take if possible, is to remove toxic people from your life entirely.
I know it can be daunting and you may worry about the ‘repercussions’ but if there is someone whose company you don’t enjoy, it’s probably best to no longer interact with them.
This doesn’t need to be a stressful process, just simply ‘phase them out’. Put an end to the conversations and move on. Of course, this is much easier to do with people you don’t have to spend time with such as colleagues etc.
You’ll know you’ve made the right decision if you feel relieved and as though a weight has been lifted off your chest once you’ve stopped speaking with certain people.
2. DON’T SHARE TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION
For the individuals you do have to spend time with, keep the conversation to the bare minimum and essentials. Don’t feel obliged to open up and speak about personal matters — if you do feel like someone is trying to delve deeper, simply tell them you are busy and need to get back to your work, errands etc.
It’s very important to protect your personal life from toxic people so that they do not have the opportunity to ever manipulate/gossip about you with the information they have.
3. DON’T LET THEM PUT THEIR ISSUES ONTO YOU
This is a big one, especially for all the empaths out there. We can sometimes feel this need to ‘fix others’ but at the end of the day, only the person themself can do what’s necessary to improve upon things.
We can, of course, show compassion and offer suggestions that can help them but it is not your responsibility to resolve their issues and it will only drain your energy if you try to.
4. LEARN TO SAY NO
People-pleasing is so easily done, especially when someone is manipulating you and only wants you to do something for their own benefit.
When it comes to people we care about, of course we want to do anything we can to help them but we also need to establish boundaries and learn to stand up for ourselves when we are not comfortable.
If we keep saying yes, it only creates a precedence that you will always do as they say, so protect your time and energy by learning how to say no and not feeling guilty about it.
5. REMEMBER IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
A dangerous part about being around toxic people is that they can make you feel like you are to blame for certain things.
Rather than dealing with their own emotions and trying to find a remedy, they find it easier to shift the blame onto others.
They may twist your words, get angry at you and make you feel like you are the reason behind their problems when really they need to be accountable for their own actions.
Try your best to not ruminate over the possible ways you could be to blame and instead remember that their behaviour has nothing to do with you. This is ‘their thing’ not yours.
6. STAY CALM
It’s extremely important that you try to find ways to remain calm when you are around toxic people.
This could be simple things such as:
- Breathing exercises: try taking slow deep breaths where your inhale is as long as your exhale
- Self-soothing through activities such as Havening
- Envisioning the interaction ending and planning what you are going to do after (you may want to take a walk to get some space or even make a warm drink to calm your nerves)
CONCLUSION
Although it can be tough to deal with toxic people, remember you are not helpless and there are lots of little techniques you can implement to feel better when you are around them. Establish boundaries, keep contact to the bare minimum and remember you are not to blame.
Don’t forget to explore POP’s mental health printable programme which helps you take back control over your thoughts, emotions and goals. The worksheets are simple to follow and work through and you can take it completely at your own pace.
